


With Tenderness and Love

by Panda_Tea_0624



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina-Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Juliana Needs a Hug, Juliana needs to deal with her TRAUMA, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious beans comforting each other, Vale is there to provide said hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panda_Tea_0624/pseuds/Panda_Tea_0624
Summary: It’s been two months since Valentina’s declaration of love on national television and things between them have been going smoothly like a sweet dream. They are free and happy, even gathered an online squad of fans called “Juliantinas” that will defend their love to online trolls and homophobes.Everything is good and well. At least that’s what appears to be the case. Most of the time.There are, however, things that Juliana says and does that just seem oddly out of place for Valentina. After two months of seeing each other almost every single day, there are signs that Valentina cannot ignore and brush off anymore.ORThe story where Juls and Vale deal with their trauma together in fluffiness tenderness and love.
Relationships: Valentina Carvajal & Juliana Valdés, Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdés
Comments: 7
Kudos: 93





	1. Seemingly small things that cannot be ignored.

It’s been two months since Valentina’s declaration of love on national television and things between them have been going smoothly like a sweet dream. They are free and happy, even gathered an online squad of fans called “Juliantinas” that will defend their love to online trolls and homophobes.

Everything is good and well. At least that’s what appears to be the case. Most of the time.

There are, however, things that Juliana says and does that seem oddly out of place for Valentina. After two months of seeing each other almost every single day, there are signs that Valentina cannot ignore and brush off anymore.

For example, Juls has a strange fear of fire. There are not one, not two, but four gorgeous fireplaces in the Carvajal mansion – this is that extra of a mansion. Yet somehow Juls always finds a way of avoiding spending time together on the couch in front of a burning fire. It was not obvious at the beginning, but Valentina caught her staring at a fire and zoning out once. That day Juls looked a bit upset. When Valentina asked her what was making her sad, she refused to admit anything was wrong in the first place. Valentina is confident that she can read the younger girl’s mind easily and she is certain that what she sees in Juliana's eyes is fear. She just couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out why.

Juls is also a self-taught master at hiding her pain. Valentina can never forget how guilty she felt when after two entire weeks of Juliana’s kidnapping, Valentina finally noticed how Juliana is awkwardly moving around. Valentina had to drag Juliana to the hospital. The doctors found out that she had broken ribs that were not healed properly. Juliana is definitely the toughest and bravest girl Valentina has ever met, because who in the world would just suffer through two weeks of pain and discomfort without ever uttering a word of complaint? When Juliana is determined to never show her pain, she is seriously sneaky. This trait bothers Valentina. A lot. Every time she thinks about how Juliana has gotten so used to pain to the point where she can stomach such a horrible injury with ease, her heart would break into a million pieces.

There is another thing that happened recently. When her dad with the face and body of El Chino approached both of them from behind, the movement startled Juls to the point where she dropped her phone on the ground. Leon was simply being nice and trying to say goodbye to them before he went on his trip to heal from the tragic death of Lucia. Obviously, Valentina knows that El Chino was never a good father, but she couldn’t tell exactly how abusive he has gotten and why Juliana has such a deeply rooted fear of her own father.

It’s getting clearer every single day that there are things from Juls’ past that are bothering her and Valentina is not willing to let any of these things slide. She is aware of Juliana’s instinct of shoving her trauma down without ever processing them or talking about them. The tricky thing is, Valentina also doesn't want to press Juls on these things without making sure that she is doing the right thing in the right way.

That’s why she has come up with a plan today to get to know her Juls just a tiny bit more, without being rude or crossing boundaries. She is eager to try it out and she just needs to be patient and wait for Juls to come to her house after her day of class.

Juliana no longer needs to take three buses to the Carvajal mansion, which is a nice upgrade for her life. Val arranged a car to drive her around in the city. Juliana didn’t want to accept this privilege at the beginning. She only agreed with this new addition to her life after being surrounded by Juliantina fans several times and things got a bit chaotic in the end. They weren't lying when they say homophobes are everywhere and it's not the safest option to have a meet and greet in the middle of the street anyway.

She has to admit that she never anticipated that her relationship with Val will attract fans, let alone receiving fan arts and fan mails all the time. Just the mere thought of people saying that they look up to her because she is out and proud is a wild experience for her. For a girl who used to be dead broke, starving, and at some points in her life, homeless, she is so freaking lucky and happy that her presence makes other people's lives a bit easier.

She cannot help but smile when the driver pulls up in front of the Carvajal mansion because she is going to meet Val and have dinner with her tonight. Leon is not home and they have the mansion all to themselves. It is going to be a good night for her because really, any night spent with Val is going to be a good night. She is hopelessly in love with Val and nothing can change her mind.


	2. 36 Questions to fall in love

Juliana can sense that Val is planning something.

The flowers Val bought for her today were a little bigger, the set up on the dining table was a little more decorated, Chivis made all of Juliana’s favorite dishes and actually left to give them space, Valentina’s invitation to shower together was also more tempting than usual. Val’s lifestyle is normally extra, but today, Juliana feels particularly pampered.

She appreciates the gesture. When you have a supermodel of a girlfriend who buys you flowers no matter how casual the date is, seduces you to fuck her against the bedroom wall with her gorgeous body on display after exquisite dinner together, goes down on you in a shower, and licks delicious circles on your clit that force you see firework shows, life is just wonderful. No complaint from Juliana. Nada.

Ah, the never-ending magic of Val and her tongue is really something else.

As wonderful as Val is, she is still, definitely, up to something. She can read Val’s emotions too well to not notice. Juliana trusts Val with everything she has because Val is the only person who’s never intentionally hurt her. So when she thinks about what Val could possibly be planning for the rest of their date, she’s mostly just curious.

Right now they are curled together under the same blanket each holding a cool drink to recover from the rather steamy sex they just finished having. Something is playing on the screen in front of them but Juliana doesn’t bother to watch. They are both naked, and Val has her arms wrapped around Juliana’s neck. The feeling of a naked Val’s chest pressing against her back will forever remain more distracting than any TV program. That’s for sure.

Even without having to turn around to look at her, Juliana knows Val is nervous.

They stayed like this for several minutes, and Juliana’s curiosity couldn’t be contained any longer. She sits up to put her drink on the table and turns around to ask: ”Val. What’s on your mind today?”

Val just crooks her head to the side and bites down her lips as if she is not sure what to say or how to say it. She manages to confess after a stare from Juliana: “I want to try something with you, but I don’t know if you would like it.”

When Juliana raises her eyebrows to silently ask what it is, Valentina pulls up her phone and presents it to Juliana.

On the screen, there is a New York Times article, titled: “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love”. It’s about how two strangers can fall in love after answering these questions.

Juliana was not expecting this. She looks up from Val’s phone and asks: “You do realize that I am already in love with you, right?”

“And I love you too. I just think this will be a fun little thing for us to try. What if we fall even deeper in love after this?” Valentina says this with puppy eyes that she knows will get Juliana to agree to anything, and Juliana is indeed, once again, defeated.

They start talking about everything and anything to answer these ridiculous questions. One of the questions is: When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? Juliana couldn’t fathom how such a random question could supposedly get two people to fall in love?

No matter how stupid the first few questions seemed, they are laughing and talking and having fun.

When they arrive at question 7, however, the light-hearted atmosphere shifted.

There, on the screen, is the question: ”Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

For two young girls like Val and Juls, they have gone through life and death situations far more frequently than their peers. If anything, Juliana doesn’t have a secret hunch, she was literally facing death on multiple occasions and this question puts weight on her. Before Juliana’s thoughts could drift away, Valentina starts answering the question with her usual cheerful voice: “I am certain that one day I will die in bed suffocated because you are too hot and sexy. Get it? I always find it hard to breathe when you kiss me and touch me.”

To that, Juliana has to laugh. Of course, her Vale will give a silly answer to this bizarre question to lighten the mood. So she comes up with something as silly and says: “Well then, I guess I will die in bed with you because seeing you die will break my heart.”

Valentina laughs with her, and after a while in a more serious tone, says: “If I’m being honest, my biggest fear has always been I’d die of cancer. ”

Juliana feels the need to comfort Val as soon as she senses that this has something to do with Val’s mom. So she puts her hands on Val’s shoulder to draw circles and wait for Val to finish her sentences.

“I saw how my mom suffered through all the treatments. We tried everything and every top hospital. Nothing worked. There is a chance that I have the same gene in my body already and it’s scary to think about.”

Normally when Val’s mom was brought up in conversations, she tends to quickly change the topic to her time in Canada or some other happier topics. Making it appear to be not a big deal because it “happened a long time ago”. She rarely talks about her mom in this sorrowful way and Juliana greatly appreciates the fact that Val is sharing these sensitive thoughts with her.

Val interrupts Juliana’s thoughts by looking into Juliana’s eyes and asking carefully: “How about you?”

Juliana is not sure how she should answer this question. She has envisioned and encountered many different ways of death. Death by electrocution, by a falling telephone pole in a hurricane, by being shot, by being set on fire. So many ways a delicate human life can perish. It’s not a good idea to introduce all the violent images to Valentina’s life and she desperately wants to protect her girlfriend from all these horror stories. So she swallows hard and opts for the boring, easy way out: “Well, I think I will die of old age. On my own bed. Maybe 80 years later. With you, my children, and grandchildren by my side. Wouldn’t that be a nice way to go?”

Valentina’s couldn’t help but gasps in delight: “Juliana Valdés. Did you just admit that you want to have a family with me? With children and grandchildren. As in plural, multiple children and grandchildren. Am I hearing this wrong? Have you already decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

Juliana was not expecting that her “easy way out” would put her in this embarrassing tough spot. To be honest, her upbringing has convinced her all her life that she will not want a family. But somehow when she is looking at Valentina in the eyes and being showered by Valentina’s love all night, this answer just slips out without her fully registering its implications. When Val starts teasing her with all these questions, she uses one hand to nudge Valentina’s shoulder and softly tells her to “Stop it” while burying her face that it is unavoidably turning pink into the other.

This scene of a naked Juliana being shy about wanting a future with her is so damn pure and precious in Valentina’s eyes that she feels like she should cherish this moment forever.

Valentina removes Juliana’s hand from covering her face and gives her many gentle kisses on her blushing face before telling her “I would love a future with you” in such a gentle voice that warms Juliana’s heart. Immensely.

They then move on to other questions until they arrive at Question 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Valentina has been, up until this point, the first person to answer every question. But she is having a hard time instantly come up with something for this one. There are simply too many things that she wanted to change. She wanted her mom to live, her dad to be home. She wanted people around her to listen to her and respect her instead of treating her like a doll. A pretty and precious doll, yes, but still, like a doll rather than a living and breathing human being with feelings and needs. 

Juliana sees the way Val is struggling so she answers first.

“I would change my dad. If I can’t find a nicer man to be my dad, then I want to grow up with only my mom.”

“Well…I have a question. Do you remember when Lucia was kidnapped and I called you? You told me a story about how your dad bought you a Hawaiian doll. You said he took you to a park and you laughed together. Was that a true story?”

Valentina is genuinely curious about this. She still remembers that day. Falling asleep and finding solace in listening to Juliana’s soothing voice.

“It really happened.” Juliana faintly smiles at the memory “I just didn’t tell you what happened the day before. He pushed me when he was drunk and I hit my head on something. I guess I was bleeding quite a bit and it was scary for my mom. He felt bad about it and that’s why he was nice to me the day after.”

“The thing with Chino is that he would angrily beat us up in one day and be nice to us in another. Although most of the time he was not at home. When he was, it was always a gamble on what he would be like the next day. What I told you was one of the rare cases where he was nice. When you called I just thought, you needed my happy memories instead of my normal ones.”

Valentina kisses Juliana’s hands to comfort her while listening. When Juliana finishes explaining, Valentina shifts her body so that she’s closer to Juliana and softly says: “I need to ask you something. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, ok?”

Juliana knows that this is a sign that Valentina is going to ask something that’s hard to answer. This is one of the reasons why Juliana loves her. Val always respects her and tries her best to be gentle when talking about sensitive issues. The tenderness of Valentina can truly melt her heart. So she just nods, signaling Val to speak her mind.

“Is your nightmare yesterday related to your dad?”

Juliana is surprised that Val would notice. She stays perfectly still when she sleeps, even when she has nightmares. For the first 18 years of her life, her bed was a couch of a trailer. Juliana learned from a very young age that no matter what the circumstances are, never move when you sleep, otherwise, you will end up on the floor.

This surprise aside, she is more amazed by the gestures that Val showed her tonight. Juliana is now positive that Val got her to the most comfortable state possible, invited her to play the 36 questions game that would potentially lead up to this moment, just to ask her this one question. The thoughtfulness and patience of this woman are going to be the death of her.

So she has no choice but to be honest with her lover:

“It is. Kind of. I’m sorry I woke you up.”


	3. A nightmare

“It is. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Valentina was expecting Juliana to avoid answering or brushing it off because Juls is not someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. She is surprised that Juliana actually admitted having nightmares. Maybe her plans tonight did work and now she finally has tricked Julian into talking about things. Valentina is not about to waste this opportunity.

“What did you dream?”

This time around, being open is harder for Juliana. They are having such a good time tonight. Everything is going so smoothly. Juliana feels like if she starts to talk about her past, the mood will be ruined. So she tries to reassure Val that everything is alright:

“It’s honestly nothing. I’m used to it anyway. Let’s go back to the game? Please? You haven’t even answered this question.”

But Valentina is getting more worried by this answer. She doesn’t attempt to hide her concerns anymore

“What do you mean you are used to it? When did you start having nightmares?”

Juliana doesn’t know what to say. She herself doesn’t even know the answer. It’s something that accompanies her all her life. The theme is more or less the same when she was young. Chino yelling, Lupe screaming, her crying.

When she grew up, the dreams have more variations. Her mom and her getting raped. Being killed while on the run. Electrocution. Gunshots. Gasoline. Fire.

Over the years she has learned that the demons in her head will never leave her alone, so she learned how to live with them. When she wakes up in the morning, she will have new things to focus on, to deal with. Or to run away from. In the end, every day that she survived is a good day.

She doesn’t like it that Valentina is slowly but surely discovering her demons. She especially doesn’t like it that Valentina is asking to be introduced to them.

She barely deserves Valentina when she tries her best to be wholesome and happy.

Juliana knows that she has nothing to contribute to this relationship material wise. Valentina has enough money to live comfortably for a hundred lifetimes. Valentina is also the most gorgeous and stunning girl she has ever met. Juliana feels like if she is not the pretty one or the wealthy one, then her only option is to be the emotionally strong one in this relationship. Take Val’s pain away. Protect her. Comfort her. Be there for her. Listen to her. Support her. Right?

The longer Juliana stays silent, the more worried Valentina gets. She can see the sadness climb its way up Juliana’s face and it was not her intention to make Juliana sad. Valentina can also see the way Juliana is unconsciously wrapping her own arms around herself as if to shield herself. This silence is making Valentina doubt her decision to ask about the nightmare.

“Juls” Valentina scopes closer to Juliana to wrap herself around Juliana’s body and kisses Juliana on her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, ok? I’m just…I’m worried. Could you please just talk to me?”

Juliana bites her lips so forcefully that the pain is enough to snap her out of her thoughts. She hates the idea of keeping Val worried. Juliana knows that she has to say something, or Valentina, the new star in Journalism, will keep this at the back of her mind as something to investigate for a very long time.

“It was because Chino…no, Your dad. He umm…He approached us yesterday, from behind, to say goodbye and to tell us that he is going away on his trip. In my mind I know he is your dad, but he still looks like Chino. His behavior yesterday reminded me of Chino. Chino used to come up to me like that and the next thing is often something violent so I was...I don’t know. I thought it was Chino.”

Juliana has to force herself to relax in Valentina’s embrace and continue

“Your dad is a very nice man and I know he means a lot to you. It’s just his body that… It’s too much of a mind fuck for me”

Juliana is telling the truth. Or at least, partially the truth. She didn’t tell her the details of the dream and chose to tell her the reason instead. She hopes that her partial truth can get Valentina to stop worrying.

“I’ll talk with dad then” Valentina promises “I will tell him to stop doing that. I’m sorry.”

“No. Val, it’s not necessary. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not his fault. I don’t want him to think he has done something wrong.” 

Juliana has sincere gratitude towards Leon. She was practically a stranger to Leon when the transmigration happened and yet Leon still risked his life to save her in the hurricane and during the kidnapping. After everything that happened, Juliana has feared that maybe Leon wouldn’t want her to be close to Val because he has first-hand experience of how chaotic Juliana’s life can get. But that didn’t happen. Leon has been nothing but nice to her. So she keeps herself talking, trying to convince Valentina that telling him is not a good idea.

“Your dad literally saved my life, Val. Multiple times. I don’t want him to think I don’t like him or I don’t appreciate his kindness.”

“That has nothing to do with him triggering your trauma, ok? It’s not like I’m forbidding him to come near you? I just wanted him to know that he should stop startling you like that.”

Juliana feels like her chest is getting tighter and tighter by the minute. She doesn’t like the word Valentina used. Trauma. Like she is somebody who is broken, who is weak. It makes her feel like she is someone who couldn’t cope with the events in her life or doesn’t have the strength to be tough. She did get through them, didn’t she? She did learn how to deal with bad dreams very well. She survived everything, got back to school and she is in a relationship with the love of her life. For the first time in her life, she is supposed to be happy. She needs Val to understand that.

“Val, listen to me. It’s just one bad dream. Everybody has bad dreams once in a while. It’s really not that big of a deal and it doesn’t mean I’m traumatized or broken inside. Chino is not in my life anymore and you’ve made me happier than ever. I don’t want to burden your dad when he is still grieving Lucia. If you want to tell him at least wait until he comes back from his trip? At least leave him alone for now, please?”

Valentina knows that she is not going to get much useful information out of Juliana tonight with a look at Juls’ determined face so she surrendered. She agreed with Juliana that she is not talking to Leon before he comes back from his trip.

After Valentina’s agreement, Juliana checked her phone and they just realized that time has slipped away. It’s already close to midnight and they both have early lectures in the morning. So they put on pajamas and went to sleep like they always do: cuddling each other.

Only this night, Valentina is having a hard time falling asleep. She is not that easily convinced that everything is fine with Juls. Not when Juliana has “gotten used to having nightmares”. Not when Juliana refuses to tell her what she is dreaming about. She is now also wondering what is this so-called “something violent” that Chino did that caused everything. Valentina holds on to Juliana’s sleeping body a little tighter and she makes a promise to herself.

She is not ignoring Juliana’s emotions like everyone else in Juliana’s life seems to be doing. She is Juliana’s girlfriend and she is getting to the bottom of this one way or the other. Nothing can change her mind.


End file.
